Why am I not seeking Him more for the right now? In reality, we do not even know if we will get another season and the now is the time God is using in my life. I should learn in it, through it, and not always get the lesson after.
In the season of getting a diagnosis for our daughter's illness, we started treatment, then I was wishing for that season to end. Here we are, possibly nearing the end of illness, and I realize that I should have cultivated more Truth during that time. Sure I was praying but my prayers were more pleas of "Get us out of here" than "Show me how to glorify You."
Obviously, I am grateful that God has taken my child from being miserably bed-ridden to working, running everyday, and driving me insane to kick a soccer ball around with her. Truly, it is worthy of praise but He was using those times of weakness to speak to her. What I thought was her faith was God's grace working to clear ground for a foundation. What I thought was her surrender to God was Him placing a marker of His faithfulness in her life that He will use one day.
That beautiful girl that I love so dearly was too weak to fight in the flesh and when God raised her out of the bed not only did she start running physically, she started running spiritually. Of course, prayer for her health was good but I should have also praised Him for the season He had put us in and had my eyes open to see the grace, beauty, and joy that had never left. Could it be that I love my daughter more than I trust God? Let it not be.
The now finds me watching family deny faith that once they claimed. The now finds me struggling with perseverance and feelings, like inadequacy and discouragement. The now finds me repenting. The now starts me in my very last year of home school ever. The now brings my dear son back home to spend time with us and even talk. The now is moving my marriage to lots of time together alone. The now encourages me to listen closer to God's Word, watching more diligently for His hand in each moment and praising Him even in trials.
So, let the now take its time while I examine it through Truth and extract the most I can from it to glorify God. Only He knows what the next season will bring.
2 Peter 3:8-14: "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed.
Since all these things are thus to be dissolved, what sort of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be set on fire and dissolved, and the heavenly bodies will melt as they burn!
But according to his promise we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace."
What is God doing in your now?