Monday, November 24, 2014

The Wizard of Argh

 Some things in life are instinctual - breathing, scratching an itch, protecting something you love. 

Some things are passed down - eye color, a pout-y bottom lip, the hand gestures when talking. 

Some things are powered only by an almighty God - sacrificial love, grace in the midst of adversity, and perseverance in faith. Of course, ultimately, all these things come from God. 

 My list of thankfulness grows each day and includes things from each area and for them, to God be the glory! 

 As I continue in this journey with this sweet little bundle of baby, I find myself having ups and downs. Days pass and it is hard when you cannot get out and do the things you need to do but you cope. Following a feeding schedule that leaves room for only small increments of sleep brings on weariness but you push on. Frustration with a system that really brings no answers gnaws at your exhausted patience but you keeping moving forward. And then one day you are too shut off, too tired, too frustrated...what then??? 

 But God! 

 But God so loved, is so long-suffering, so full of mercy and grace that He imparts, to those who believe, the best - His Son Jesus. For such a sinner that thumbed her nose and rebelled with an embarrassing zeal for self, He took on the just wrath that was deservedly mine. I cannot stop counting all the ways God has pulled me from the murky depths and still patiently loves and works in my mind that strays so easily, in my heart that still tries to move self into the number one position, in my mouth that spews cutting words, and in my actions that betray my love for Him. I am brought to my knees. Thank you Lord! 

 Too often as of late, I have heard, "Thank you for what you are doing. It is a great work." I cringe every time and my tongue gets tangled spitting out a response. My initial reaction always wants to say, "Ha! If you only knew my self-serving heart that is always seeking to protect me," but I lasso it in and try to point to the truth behind the good. Ignore the woman behind the curtain, she is much like the Wizard of Oz - a hyped-up sham.  Problem is that I do not have  a fancy system of smoke and mirrors for hiding myself. I still get caught in instances where I try to hide, get nervous and trip myself up so that I look like an utter buffoon, or I pull off something that is okay and my pride inflates only to be popped with the slightest source of feeling rejected. Argh! Why??? If I do anything "good" it is powered by God alone. For this I am grateful and I hope I can communicate that in every situation and Christ continues to expose the woman trying to hide behind the curtain. 

 One area God has been very gracious to me, despite my sinfulness, is with family - those born in physically and those born in spiritually. Like the Wizard of Oz, I really have nothing to offer except to point to what has been there all along - God. Let that be the desire of my heart each day especially with my family. 

 Now for a thankfulness that I can share more tangibly. Here is a link to a story about someone I love dearly that God has answered many prayers for: The Tank Chair

 Happy Thanksgiving to you all! And I pray that you seek God first.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Sleep Deprivation Fosters Randomness

 Wisdom most certainly will not be the prevailing motivation for this post. I have missed writing and reading my favorite blogs but the days have been full, overflowing with appointments, calls, feeding, diapering, case worker visits, and cleaning. The adjustment to waking up at 1a.m. and 5a.m. has not been too terrible but then again I might not  be the best person to ask since I am priding myself on being able to do things with my eyes closed - getting dressed, changing diapers, going downstairs. Hey, a girl has to catch some zzz's whenever she can.

 Somehow I did manage to pull off a dinner for my dear hubby's repeat 40th birthday and it included cake because cake is his favorite. Since I am sequestered at home due to the foster baby's health issues, I kind of have to wing it with whatever is in the pantry or fridge or hope the teen is able to run errands for me but it turned out well despite lack of real organization. I am blessed that God gave me a husband who is hardworking and has faithfully put up with me for over 20 years so if he wants cake, I think he should have it (especially since I revamped the recipe to be a tad bit healthy. Shhh!).

 Speaking of being confined at home, I have really enjoyed Sermon Audio. Now, I do not believe one should have a virtual pastor and I do love my church and my pastor but when you cannot get to your church, Sermon Audio is awesome. It has been hard being out of church. 

 When we made the decision to foster the baby, we were told that the baby's monitor was portable and would not stop us from going out and doing what we normally do. It wasn't until we were leaving the hospital that we heard the words "do not take the baby out except to doctor appointments." How do you turn back when you have spent three days holding a baby, feeding a baby, snuggling a baby, learning about the baby's health needs, and you have the baby loaded in your car seat? They probably knew we would not refuse at that point. Of course, I am praying that the doctor appointments show the baby's health is improving and they at least grant me permission to go to church...just a small church.
Who could resist those eyes?

  All in all it has been good and God is working. Lest you think that we are doing a good work by fostering a child, let me assure you that the greater work is always done in me every time. God pours out a measure of grace and love that overwhelms and works a miracle in this self-centered heart. Life is refocused and vision is repaired and it is all the easier to be about the work of my Lord. I cannot explain the how or why of it but it happens and I end up being so thankful. 

 But, you can do more than just take my word for it, you can foster a child or mentor one, too. Usually, you are doing more than just impacting a child, you get to interact with that child's family as well. No, it is not easy but yes, it is worth every moment, every drive across town, every sleepless night, every heart break. 
-Matthew 20:28 "...even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, 
and to give his life as a ransom for many."
 Let it be so in my life


Friday, October 10, 2014

Little Words Because Little Person

 So, one word is fitting for today - COFFEE! Usually, I might drink one  cup but today is a 2 or 3 cupper.

 I am not sure I will be posting too much for a bit. As I am writing this there is the sweetest little one asleep in the other room. It was a roller coaster for a few days but foster care brings that kind of drama and excitement. You are just going along with your normal routine and then you get a call and everything is a whirlwind.
Sweet little mouth & hand of our newest member

 I am definitely going to need an adjustment period. Every four hours of feeding is something that my body has lost touch with but I think I will get the hang of it pretty quick. This little one is very patient. 

 Now begins the prayers for this little one's family and for God to use me however possible to spread the Gospel. May He be glorified and His Word be spread.