Wednesday, June 24, 2015

plain jane and captive

 Yes, it has been a while and long periods of silence are not really conducive to producing a popular blog. Then again, being popular is not something with which I am acquainted. Growing up, my mother told me several times that I am just a plain Jane and it is something I have come to realize is ok. Being plain Jane is like plain yogurt, it is not fancy or exciting or anyone's favorite on its own BUT it is a base for something better to be built. Add some granola or chocolate chips or pineapple and wow!

 Unfortunately, this plain Jane kept looking in the wrong places for its definition, for glory. It is completely obvious that there has to be more than just me. Thankfully, God scooped me up and He has taken this plain Jane to all kinds of places and used me in all kinds of ways. Sure, I fouled parts up at times but He knew and kept working, sculpting, softening and He still does the same today. Sometimes I have sense enough to recognize when He is using me.

 I see it right now, at the moment.

 This little boy who is missing a small piece of his brain and how he was put with this plain Jane has learned some great lessons from an amazing nephew with 2 brain disorders and has an awesome resource in an experienced sister and has a foothold in persevering through challenge watching her daughter's drive to overcome illness. But more than anything, God has richly blessed my heart with this little guy.

 Yeh, I whined and wallowed about the hospital stays every month and the frustrations of dealing with his mother but I learned...uh, am learning. The lesson was hard to swallow and I am still processing it fully. This plain Jane was a captive to negativity and no true believer should be captive to anything but God. My bondage was...or, to complaining and losing sight of contentment. Plenty of reasons exist to be grateful and content. 

 Since April, my precious daughter graduated high school (I am no longer a home school mom, which is actually a sad part). Jellybean has been in the hospital two more times which included more tests and a surgery but he is doing better and blooming into a spunky little boy. 

 One blessing started out as frustration and fear. We had a meeting with foster care review for his case. It was going to be necessary for me to stand up and advocate for Jellybean. His lawyer does not even know what he looks like much less his medical issues and his DCS worker is too overloaded to keep up with everything. 

 Let me admit, I was scared. His mother has a past of being physically confrontational. At first, I prayed that she would not show up but then I realized that it was not the right prayer. The right prayer was that God would be glorified so I switched my prayer to Isaiah 26, specifically verse 3: "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." She did not show up and I did speak and it went just the way God desired it to go. Their recommendation was not exactly what I wanted but it was a small step in a positive direction and I will surrender my desire for God's plan any day.  

 Faith can bring clarity in all situations. God's plan falls under His righteousness, justness, love, and holiness. I cannot fathom what all that means but I can trust that He knows what He's doing even if I  do not understand it all. It is not a cause for doubt or worry. I understand that God is way bigger  than our comprehension and that is comforting. If I could wrap my mind around His ways, I am pretty sure I would tremble in my boots because after all, I am just a plain Jane. Because of that I will remain captive to my Lord alone, plain and not always simple.