Thursday, August 15, 2013

When Life Gives You Lyme...

  The routine of my days keeps me mechanically on schedule: make breakfast, get meds ready, care for animals, drive to school, make bed, clean floors, do laundry, clean kitchen, drive to school, get meds ready, care for animals, start dinner, clean kitchen, make lunches, get meds ready, go to bed. Rinse and repeat the next day. Somewhere in between all that I am jerked into awareness by life. Sometimes it is something wonderful, beautiful, or humorous. Sometimes it is something sad, frustrating, or difficult.This is definitely not the way God would have me to serve Him. 

  I am not teaching so I have not studied His Word much at all lately. Definitely not good. I did visit a new church. And, although it was nice to sing sound worship songs and hear Scripture taught, it was awkward...oh, did I mention that I absolutely struggle with making new connections???? 

  So, yes, I am weak. Yes, I struggle. In my mind, I think that I could be the worst follower of Christ ever but Truth lovingly reminds me that in Christ, I have all of His righteousness and that is comforting. It is also something I do not need to take for granted.
  Encouragement has come in many forms lately - Scripture, preaching, friends, prayer, sweet little blessings of life. All things that remind one that God is never out of control or far away. All things that strengthen one's faith and push one on in life. 

  All things that came at the right time because one more challenge was coming.

  Last night as I was in making lunch mode, my son texts me to say that tomorrow is the day that he wants to take his dog to the vet to have her put to sleep because she has gotten worse. This is not something he wants to do alone and he wants me to help him. I love this dog because I know God sent her to help keep him on track and be more responsible. This dog has helped me to sleep at night. Now she is teaching him new lessons that are difficult but very important. She has brought him to us and in this time, I can minister to him. 

  As I collect myself to take this on, my daughter comes home from her new job. It has been nice to see her able to get out and function but last night was not an example of this new found ability. One look at her face and I knew that it was the Lyme. All color was gone and there was a zombified look in her eyes. Tears started to stream out when she saw me. She had held it in until she got home.

  The herx reactions from treatment are farther apart now but when they hit, they are strong. It seems that her vision is more affected now. Her low back has intense pain. She has had a weird pale yellow bruise looking mark on her lower spine for months and now there is another one, bigger above the old one. She had to take something to be able to fall asleep.

  The search is on for a Lyme-literate eye doctor because anyone else will just roll their eyes when I say that she has Lyme and it is probably affecting her eyes. I have not decided which is harder - watching your child suffer and being helpless or dealing with doctors who  think you are crazy. I have decided that I will continue on because I know God is using all this for His purpose.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Even in the Valley of the Shadow of Chaos...

  Ever have one of those weeks where:
- you need to start home school soon but you don't even have all the books you need
- your mom is getting evicted & your step-dad is stirring up trouble with his new girlfriend but you are 1000 miles away
- you put your favorite Journaling Bible on top of your car as you load stuff, forget about it then take off down the road only to see it  fly off into a puddle
- your husband is grumpy & not speaking to you
- you wake up at 3:00 a.m. needing the trash can & the toilet at the same time
- your foster daughter gets sick & you have to travel all over town to find something to give her that doesn't interact with her current meds
- your monthly "friend" comes 2 weeks early with a vengeance while you're at the store looking for these meds
- your daughter has a herx reaction every other day & you have to force her to continue her treatment which will probably cause a reaction
- your grown son calls crying because his dog has to be put to sleep
- your 4 month old hot water heater stops working


  A Psalm for giving thanks. 
Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! 
Serve the LORD with gladness! 
come into his presence with singing!  
Know that the LORD, he is God! 
It is he who made us, and we are his; 
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! 
Give thanks to him; bless his name!  
For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, 
and his faithfulness to all generations. 
- Psalm 100

Enough said.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I Wanted to Lose Weight Not My Body & Mind


  Yes, I am in dried-up fern mode again. Exhaustion from traveling, moving furniture, hosting an impromptu yard sale, and handling issues from my step-dad running off does not help when you have left your church. Definitely not a decision to rush into but examining the Scripture shows that it is better to search after Truth than to sit under error. Not being in a collective Body of like-minded believers has really worn on me. My nails are chewed to always. My eating habits are in a weird cycle ranging from not eating to eating anything that will hold still. 

  Yes, I have found a clear understanding of why God insists that we be in church, in a Body.  Please let it be that I one day transform into an easy learner! But, I'll probably forever (on earth, anyways) need to learn lessons the hard way.

 (one day...maybe)

  Any strong believers out there want to kick my behind into spiritual shape???? Thankfully my righteousness is not mine at all but Christ's and the reason God loves me at all is because He looks upon me and sees Christ. This baffles me and yet, comforts me at the same time. That calls for a happy sigh...

  My niece is staying with me and she is an energetic distraction from all things. I am trying to keep her busy for 2 weeks but it seems I am no longer in touch with how much energy it takes to keep up with someone who is not even in double digits yet.!!!

  Our foster daughter has accomplished some life skills. She completed driving school and we hope to get her permit if we can get the doggone JR22 from the insurance company. She also got a job and starts tomorrow. The position might not be ideal - a restaurant hostess. We'll see. She started school this week, too. They have tightened up the rules this year. Please do not let me meet the new principal the first month of school! The rules are she has to keep her grades at C or above and she cannot get in trouble at school to keep her job and be able to practice driving. A little leverage always helps. 

  Our daughter also got a job at the same place but in a different position and working different times. Hopefully, she can keep up with the demands of it and school. Lyme and Rocky Moutain Spotted Fever have really knocked her down this summer with the Cowden treatment. She's maintained some functionality but there are bad days. Hoping the herx reactions ease up soon.

  Is there any rest or peace? Yes! Yes, there is!

    Today I rest, not in an entire gluten-free dutch baby pancake (I did eat one piece and it was yummy!), but in Christ who comforts me and His Word which leads me. My fronds are unfurling again...