Awaiting test results from Jellybean's genetic testing is very anticipatory but I am trying to keep in the back of my mind that it may not render any more answers than we have now. Ultimately, it will be fine either way because I know without a doubt God is in control.
In July, we went to court for Terminated Parental Rights and 30 days later, it was heartbreaking that on paper Jellybean was in the custody of the state. It was hard. If he was older, I cannot imagine what it would feel like to him. Tough stuff.
With barely a foot off that train, we were rushed to the adoption gate. I suppose, not having done foster care really seeking adoption as the end goal, we thought it would take time to get to that point. That is when we were told that it would be all done in 30 days. Promptly, they buried us in extra paperwork.
Don't get me wrong, we LOVE Jellybean and he is and has been part of our family for these almost 2 years. The only way I can explain it is by quoting my adoptive friend, "Adoption is very weighty."
Pondering on it, made me realize that earthly adoption is flawed. There is loss and sadness attached to it but adoption by God is perfect and completely gain on our part. That's something with which you can stabilize yourself and I have needed it.
We were barely 24 hours in this new position when we were dealing with sudden respiratory issues. It has been a torrential storm of sleepless nights, vomit, steroids, suction, 2 emergency room visits, a 5-day hospital stay, and an unexpected encounter with his birth mother. All that in our first week of adoption.
So our celebration was interrupted with harsh reality. I am still sorting through some strange emotions about the whole process. Let's not even talk about the feelings of inadequacy after dealing with all this illness & running to the doctor.
But God is good. He is sufficient in all things and with all things.
One happy note is that I can post adorable pics without blocking Jellybean's face. So without further ado, here is our newest little blessing from God who will hopefully be all better soon and this little piggy's family will all get rested up.