Monday, February 11, 2013
And the Winner is...
When your husband starts the morning by calling you "the mom of moms," just know that something is coming to knock you off the pedestal.
We were cruising along surviving the no grain, no dairy, no chicken, no fruit, and at the end of it, I, being the amazing mom I am (haha), decided to give my daughter some nice strawberries sliced with banana with her grain-free waffle and nice healthy glass of green Naked juice. Sounds so nutritious and healthy. How much more awesome could I be? She was feeling sort of weird at lunch but by dinner, she was just pushing through and then she crashes pale and weak onto her bed. The next day she has eggs and a glass of Naked juice. She is not great but functioning until the afternoon. Long before dinner she is in bed curled in a ball. Today as I wait for the grain-free zucchini banana muffins to cool, I set out plates and glasses. Before I pour the juice the old noggin kicks on and I read the Naked juice label. Ya know, just to see how much wonderful nutrition I am giving my baby girl. Shock and horror! Wheat grass AND barley grass!!! Mom fail...
I poisoned my child with green Naked juice. And the award for "Worst Mother" goes to...me!!!
Poor thing. She did forgive me.
In the midst of all that our foster daughter decides to test the water with a good dose of rebellious defiance. She skips school and hides in the woods. Thank you T-Mobile for having a tracking feature available.
Of course, she went on the attack when I found her. She reached in and gave my heart a nice rip but I stayed calm. Thank you Lord for giving me strength and wisdom. It was just a terrible day. So much pain exists in her heart over a mother who disappeared. "What is the point of existing if your own mother doesn't want you?" How deeply heartbreaking. Even moms who make mistakes and bad choices are wanted, needed, and loved by their children. We have to press on. I made my child sick, literally, and she still wants me around.
We can never take back the past but we can ask forgiveness and work on the moment. Press on. Persevere. If you are reading this and you have made mistakes, hurt someone, and think you cannot go back, realize that you can grow by trusting God to move you through whatever it is in your life. Life from God is greater than our temporary failings. Our failings are not out of God's sovereignty and I have found that they actually can produce good. Sometimes they produce laughter, sometimes they produce a stronger bond, and sometimes they just open my eyes to something I needed to realize.
So, you out there who lost your daughter because of some personal failing, she is at my house and she wants you to know that she is hurt but she thinks about you everyday. She wants to know you are okay and that you want her to be okay. More than anything she wants you to know that she would accept you because you are her mother.
To all the moms who are fighting through failures and shortcomings, keep at it. Laugh through them, cry together through them, grow in love and trust in Christ. He has purpose for all things.
"Let my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word!
Let my plea come before you, deliver me according to your word.
My lips will pour forth praise, for you teach me your statutes.
My tongue will sing of your word, for all your commandments are right.
Let your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts.
I long for your salvation, O Lord, and your law is my delight.
Let my soul live and praise you, and let your rules help me.
I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments."