Have you ever felt like you were trudging through a valley weary with burdens, feet heavy with exhaustion, heart heavier with emotion, and no one close by?
I think a lot of people would answer "yes." Some days it may feel like you cannot go one more inch and you want to give up. I get it.
Maybe you are having one of those days where you cry every moment you are not in public. Your eyes are permanently puffy and your nose is swollen. I understand.
Sometimes in life we get to the answer-less questions. Things are tough, real tough and we want to know why but there is no answer - at least not at the moment.
The one thing I NEVER wanted to be was a whiner with constant complaints, grumblings, and pain. Personally, I prefer to hide away until I can get myself together but as a Christian, I constantly fight against that urge because it is wrong. Yes, it is wrong to infinitely whine, too, but there is a balance between the two.
God gave me a little insight this week whilst at one of Jellybean's appointments. We were at the neurologist hoping for some insight or at least some official diagnosis to put in his record to help the system label him. Apparently, they need a label to know how to better work his case. Alas, insight and diagnosis did not come. The neurologist said, "I have no answer as to why he can't walk or talk. Everything I have shows that he should."
Jellybean's development is an answer-less question. Not to say that I am giving up. We will see a geneticist but not for many months. Before then we push and I encourage anyone involved with him to push.
My own life is so very full of answer-less questions right now and my response has been to hide. In this moment with Jellybean, God enlightened me. Why would I give up here but fight in that moment? Why indeed. It has a lot to do with my feelings about myself but God reminded me that no one is worthy, no one measures up. BUT, HE has purpose for those HE predestines. We have much to do wherever HE has put us, whether in valleys or on mountaintops.
If life is hard, we endure. If there is hurt, we persevere. If there is disappointment, we have hope.
At the moment our questions may not have answers but there is one solid guarantee in this world. There IS an answer that needs no question -JESUS. HE covers it all.
"The LORD is my portion..."
- Lamentations 3:24