Tummy time can wear a little soul out. The breath was a rhythmic sighing sound in my ear as I laid on the floor next to my Jellybean. He had been kicking his legs vigorously for about 10 minutes as if he was sure he could swim on land. When he proceeded to not move one iota of an inch, he just went to sleep.
I contemplated my options because it was, after all, a little late for a nap...but he had worked so hard...but I will have to stay up later to get him to go to sleep...but building muscles really is exhausting. Finally, I opted for moving him to his reclined seat so that he could get his next feed without refluxing. If he woke up, it was fine. If he slept, it was fine. Old age has taught me not to be so finicky about situations.
Scooping up his tiny body, I could feel it was utterly relaxed and he would not be waking up.
How blissful it must be to trust so much that you can sleep even while someone is moving you. You don't know what is being done with you and yet you continue to rest. To quote a line from my favorite scene in Napoleon Dynamite (I know this does nothing for my credibility so just give me some grace), "I want that!"
I want that kind of faith in God so that no matter when or how He moves me, I completely rest. I want to lay flat out trusting in the midst of whatever turbulence is brought my way. The kind of faith and trust that Peter had when he defied all he knew about water and gravity and stepped out of the boat. He knew he could trust that Jesus had power above all creation.
Don't get me wrong. What I want is not to be unemotional or uncaring like a zombified shell. It is a complete peace knowing that God is in control no matter the circumstances or outcome. Sure, tears will come in difficult situations but the moment does not imprint an immovable marker that becomes an idol for wallowing. My eyes should not be moved from my Lord.
I do so want that, especially in this season of battling isolation, differing doctors, and aversions to feeding and social settings. I do, I do, I doooooo!
"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears." - Psalm 18:6
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