Quickly, I am writing in between lunch and feedings and things that need to get done. The blog has suffered during this time but it is on the bottom of the list of importance. I am tempted to write that our life is chaos right now but the other day as I was driving, I turned on the radio and heard Alistair Begg say, "In Christ, you can never think life is out of control or that it ever will get out of control." So, yeh...I will not say that our life is chaos; I will say that our life is being controlled by an infinitely sovereign, merciful God who understands why things are the way they are at this moment.
And at this moment, we are dealing with the death of someone very dear in our family. My husband is going to the funeral nine hours away but I cannot attend because I have a congested foster baby with lots of upcoming appointments AND we have our mini farm of animals that have to be cared for everyday.
Admittedly, there is a tad bit of frustration in me.
Also, my very dear friend was told that her baby only has a short time left on this earth due to the spread of his cancer. Everything in me wants to do something, be more of a friend somehow but my brain is at a loss and I have a congested, fussy baby and a house full of chores.
My house is turning into a dust bunny retreat with clutters of papers and dishes because I have not been able to do much but hold and feed my little jellybean. I am thankful the mucus is moving and there is no fever, and it is not affecting his feedings but I cannot say that I have not had moments where I just want to get done what needs to be done. What's a girl to do?
It is good that I am older and I can remind myself that this is a very short season and all I need to do is focus on what gives glory to God. In this moment of clarity, a genius "baby-raising life hack" came to me. God is so good to give us those light bulb moments just when we need them.
My heart's desire at the moment was to just clean my bathroom so I put the congested baby in a vibrating bouncy seat in the bathroom, I steamed it up and put some eucalyptus and lemon essential oil in a bowl in the bottom of the shower to help the congestion and kill germs. I showered in the steamy shower with my lavender soap which relaxed my tired old bones then I scrubbed down the shower with the essential oils. It smelled great and I hopped out and started wiping down as much as I could because I only had 20 minutes before the jellybean's next feeding. The floor and toilet still need to be cleaned but the shower, tub and sinks are sparkling and the jellybean's breathing was much quieter which made him happier which made me happier plus I was clean, too. Ahhhh! Rejoice!
Still...there is not much I can do about having to stay home from the funeral and there is not much I can do to help a baby with cancer but I can remember that it is not a 10-ring circus that I must orchestrate and run. I can remember that the God of the universe does care that I am feeling overwhelmed and that I care for my friends and family and want to minister to them. More importantly, I can remember that none of it is out of control, no matter what I think about it. I mean, where was I when He formed the earth???
This is what I know and can take comfort in even if the dust bunnies rise up and take over my house: " - Romans 5:6-11