Absconded Bees & Arrested Depression

 Running a small sort of farm type home is not always glamorous. Okay, it is never glamorous but I suppose one has romantic notions of a quiet little homestead with cheery chickens clucking happily along, delightful ducks waddling about as you harvest bountiful veggies from your quaint little garden. Where do those ideas come from? Probably flea market paintings. 

 The chickens usually peck my plants to death, squawk loudly, and bully chickens on the low end of the pecking order. The ducks have gone feral trying to protect their pond. I am sure the male duck was trying to drown the dog the other day. Yeh, this ain't no Pollyanna farm and wearing rubber boots ain't for fashion. We got zucchini by the truckloads though. 

 Sadly, our adventure in beekeeping has ended for this year. After the colony lost their first queen, I quickly ordered another but the colony was weak. They did accept the new queen but wild bees started robbing the hive. Two days after moving the hive, the wild bees started robbing it more aggressively, this time killing the new queen. Wasps even got in on the action. After a week, they had won. Without the queen, no honey, and very few workers it was doomed. The lesson we learned is start with more than one hive. Poor bees.

 Along the lines of failing, I have a confession that is ironic since it comes after a post about not complaining. It is completely unpleasant but I am going to confess it because some believers think no one else struggles like they do and they try to hide issues. So, just so you know, some of us are super foolish in our discouragement but there is always hope.

 On Sunday last week, I was depressed. Really depressed. On the verge of tears, I dressed for church then I prayed but not a good prayer mind you; a desperate, wallowing one. It felt like everything was failing...oh yes, I went there. I begged and specifically asked, "God, will you just take me out of this world?" Then I put on my fake I'm-okay-face and went to church. 

 During the hour of sitting in the pew, God answered me from the pulpit and I snuffled and sobbed the whole time. At the end, I quickly packed my stuff so as to slide out the door but a friend popped into the seat next to me. When she saw my face, which probably looked like a rendition of Tammy Faye, she said, "Oh...I'm sorry. You probably wanted to get out of here quick.That was a good sermon." Sigh. She had no idea.

  Ephesians 6:12-13 really did a number reminding me that this world is not all there is affecting us. We are to be set on the eternal, not the temporal. We are to be set in the armor of God and resisting the enemy. 

 Oh, thank you pastor for expositing those verses and bringing to my mind the knowledge that my struggle is not against people or things in this world. Thank you for imploring me to ask myself if the spiritual world is seeing the manifold wisdom of God. My depression ceased right there and the day was much more focused on exalting Christ. 

  May Ephesians 6:12-13 ground you if you are feeling hopeless:
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in highplaces. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."

On Sundays, I Cry

 Good thing it's Monday or my keyboard would short out. 

 Every Sunday for the past umpteen years, I cry but in recent years the tears have increased. The nature of the crying usually stems from an overwhelming sense of the deep gift of grace, not that I do not feel this on other days but something about gathering in the body with the intent of worshiping wells it up overflowing out my eyeballs. Lately though, I cry more (if that is possible). 


 Tears flow with joy and love for my God, my Lord, my Savior and tears flow for my failure to serve Him as I should without my flesh interfering. That is plenty of tears but add to that tears for those I love that do not follow God. Toss in tears for the apostasy that I see around me and heresy. Could there  be more?

 Well, after I fell into this Youtube debacle of atheists and presupposionalists "debating," there were more. After first I was thinking that apologetic debate is good but it did not take me long to realize that this is just men trying to prove their wisdom or score points or, in some cases, gain money. Maybe I am missing the parts where the Gospel is being presented or God is being honored but what I see is sad. 

 My question for both sides is, "What is the point?" Because it looks like pride.

 I do not see the fruit of arguing what the Bible says with someone who has no regard for it. Faith comes by hearing so deliver Truth but going back and forth on the issue of how old the earth is or what is reality is chasing the wind...or is it tossing pearls??? Clearly, if you could prove any of the answers to their arguments, they would just find another ground to stand on. If they say that they do not believe in sin or repentance then arguing with them is like two people on the Titanic refusing to leave the ship because they cannot agree on the color of the carpet. Pointless. 

 My case in point: one video consisted mostly of a discussion on who was using circular reasoning. Uh...both sides have lost all reasoning in any shape or form. Yes, the Bible says that everything in this world declares there is a God and there is no way to deny that but can you say you deny it with your mouth? Of course. The Bible says that, too. Say it all day long but no one escapes Truth no matter how much they say that they do not believe it. 

 Is there glory to God in spawning video spats and virtual showdowns? I think not. Look at God's Word and you will see that some arguments are places to keep your mouth shut. If they will not hear Truth, there is no point you can make or clever example that can bowl them over. Close your lips and open your faith. Pray and put it in the hands of the Holy Spirit...or do you not think He is convincing enough? 

 Obviously, the latter is the case for some. One street "preacher"got into an argument about people believing in unicorns and if that would make unicorns real. His big comeback was to change the example to Sasquatch and talk louder. He succeeded in drawing a crowd but the people around him did not hear Truth. What was his purpose? 

  Tears should well up that we have come to a place where we have forgotten our position and who it is we serve. Tears should pour because a dying world will miss hearing Truth all to be victorious in the art of persuasion. It is our mission to plant and water the seeds not force them into the ground, crack them open and try to extract life out of them. We cannot accomplish that.

 Let us all mourn that we have considered ourselves greater than the God we claim to serve. 

1 Corinthians 3:6-7
I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.
So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.

Romans 10:1 
Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved.

1 Co 2:2-5
 For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

A Vow of No Pity

  Yes, I am vowing before God and all the internet to have no pity!

  No pity for homeless people. No pity for those struck by tragedy. No pity for my foster daughter. No pity for my own children. No pity for no one or no thing no how!

I pity the fool who shows pity!

  My reason is not that I am a heartless troll who does not care but that pity has no purpose. Let me explain before you go searching for where I live so you can string me up by my toes. 

  The definition of pity is just having a feeling of sympathy for someone or something. Now, ask yourself when has someone else's feelings ever accomplished a single fruitful thing? Pity only justifies our own thinking and reassures us that we are good people. Really?

  Pity pats a person on the back and  says, "So sorry you are where you are," then it walks away. The only thing left behind is a confirmation that things really are as bad as they seem. Christians can not EVER legitimately do this because Christ's sacrifice screams hope. And yet, so many times we pity and leave the broken with a license to continue wallowing. Personally, I do not need or want that.

Look at you stuck there. How did that happen? That is terrible.

   It is so very easy to pity but how does that help?

  Instead of pity, I vow to have compassion. The definition of compassion is the same as pity, "to have a feeling of sympathy," but with an important addition, "accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate suffering." It includes action. Compassion is work and sacrifice. Compassion loves a person where they are but is not willing to leave them there. Jesus practiced it all the time. Look at the woman caught in adultery in John 8:

¹ but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ² Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. ³ The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst ⁴ they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” ⁶ This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. ⁷ And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸ And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. ⁹ But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. ¹⁰ Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” ¹¹ She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

  Jesus did not pat her back and say, "Poor baby, this is awful." Pity is not a tool God uses. Jesus first removes those that were acting wickedly and then he helps her move into a life of hope. Jesus is the only one who can move a person from their bad choices into hope with just a few words but that does not remove our responsibility to show compassion. As believers who are not perfect, we must rely on God to work  through us, learn how to rightly present Truth to others, and commit time to the work. If we could walk up to a drug addict and just say, "Go and sin no more," we would glorify ourselves. We would learn nothing of the power and grace of God nor would we love that person. Christ can love immediately because He is God and we are his creations. We, on the other hand, are bent more towards judging and hating. Think about Jesus' parable of the good Samaritan. Sadly, the commitment is why most of us choose the easier road of pity. 

This is helping you, right? Because I certainly feel better

    This lesson hit me in the face after a meeting and our required training for foster care. The system that pulls children out of neglect and abuse has set itself up to foster pity for the children. In return the children are never learning how to overcome the challenges in their life. Foster parents are given a contradictory message, "Set rules and boundaries and be firm in enforcing them but they can't help their behavior." Basically, the system sees them as disabled. What I see is a disservice to the children.

  We went into the meeting as a family confused and frustrated as to how to help this child and were told that we were pushing too hard. When we tried to explain that all we want is to make sure she doesn't fail school and to be able to confront issues when they happen, they told us that we could do that. Ok, we thought the meeting was to learn how to do it. Our foster daughter has told us that she does not want our help and there is nothing we can do to her when she acts out. The only suggestion they gave us was to have each person talk at dinner about their day and say something nice about everyone at the table. Ummm, surface level talk is not a problem, that is all we do unless we want an explosion.

   As my husband and I mulled over the meeting and training, we came to the realization that we care for this girl, enough so that we want her to move forward and be able to function in society. We are not asking her to call us mom and dad or pushing her to tell us all about her past. When we met her, we saw a child who needed a chance to be a child and learn how to be an adult.The window of opportunity is small. She will be 18 in a little over a year.

  We resolve to tell her to take steps forward with us. We resolve to teach her to be responsible even if she hates us in the process.

  I will not tell her that her life is awful and go on my way because I know Hope and He died to give us the gift of new life. If He had only lived as a man to pity us, then we would truly be in a wretched state. Instead of miracles, Jesus would have traveled around giving out sad smiles and pats on the shoulder. He might have said, "God loves you, you poor, pitiful creature" and then returned to heaven burdened by our hopeless state. Praise Him that He showed compassion instead.

John 10:9-10
 I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.  

Blessings are Gluten-free and Not Processed

 Okay, I'm a slacker. It has been about 2 weeks since my last post. But can you forgive me? I have been going gluten-free. Bye bye wheat, barley, and rye.

  The doctor confirmed that my bio daughter has a gluten allergy. It takes a lot of research to have a child with a gluten allergy. No more going to the grocery store all willy nilly putting whatever I want in the basket. Now, I have to read each and every label like a food stalker. Thankfully there are people who are much more patient that have helped me. One friend has given us the low down on restaurants and places to shop and of course, the internet has been a wealth of information. If you need to be grain-free then go to Against All Grain. She has the most fabulous recipes that taste almost like the original grain recipe.

  At first I was trying to keep grain for the rest of us but it has become too tedious (at least for now) to make different meals and not to cross contaminate. So I am re-learning baking. It is a new season for us.

  Then we said goodbye to our pastor and his family and that was not easy so I will refrain from saying anything else about it at this time. My face is water-logged.

  But all those tears are not overlooked by God. He knows each one. 

Psalm 56:8
"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

  May I remain focused on God and His sovereignty over ALL things because in that is hope found. Hope should produce joy even in sadness. When a toilet overflows, what was inside comes out. My life should overflow so that what is inside comes out and I really want it to be joy and not sewage. 

  God has done too much that deserves praise. One, I was taught by a preacher that was deep in the Truth for 4 years. Two, my daughter is feeling better and who really needs grain when you have the Bread of Life? Three, the sun rose and set and it was spectacular. We had food to eat and clothes to keep us warm. My church doors were open and I could sing and praise God all I wanted. God has made me new and given me hope. Come on, who else would have taken in a poor, lying, thieving, manipulating, drinking, drug-using, suicidal, lust addicted person? God did and He gave me all these blessings, not because I had an inkling of good but because He purposed it. So, my only question is, "What will you do next, God? Show me more of Your wonderful glory and how I can serve You."

Psalm 56:10-13
"In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?

 I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life."

Isn't it amazing that God's blessings fit perfectly, come at the perfect time, and completely refresh you?

The Reluctant Post

  So, yeh...um...I have pondered on posting this post. Glory to God is something of a high priority in my life but I have not mastered it at all. My struggles are embarrassingly numerous and some of them are even more embarrassingly shallow. Lately, I have felt quite alone and even in my faith, there has been a painful separated feeling. Nothing has been particularly awful or traumatic, it was just a slow buildup.

  
  I have put it in my mind to remember Psalm 3:3: "But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head." What more do I need? I wish I could say that my attitude revealed my trust in that Truth. Instead, I have found myself shedding tears, licking wounds, and harboring pain. (If you need a good cry but need a vehicle to camouflage it, try watching October Baby. No one will ask you any questions.) 

 

  So, after my eyes were dried out, I pondered on all the difficult situations in my life and as I did, God brought to mind Job so I read chapter 1 and the baseball bat of Truth hit me across the back of my head.

  A lot of people seem to focus on one of two things. Either they focus on what they perceive to be a terrible thing that God allowed to happen or they look solely at the fact that God doubled Job's blessings in the end. It hit me that neither of those schools of thought should be the focus. 

 Job was a man and he had lots of wealth and stuff. He had a family that he loved and he loved them enough that he wanted them to be right before God. Satan steps in and God offers to him the ability to test Job and the reason is not immediately clear. In one day, Job loses his children and possessions. And though he is heartbroken, Job does not stop in proclaiming that God is in charge. Satan turns it up a notch and takes his health. Add to Job's pain and suffering, a nagging wife and discouraging friends and surely, any of us can see that this man was in a terrible place. Job feels the despair, cries out, does some whining, and defending. Job and his friends all make claims on knowing God and what He is like or what He is doing but in the end, God steps in and this is what should be the focus. 

 God says, "Hey, stop it! You think you know me, you think you have wisdom? Well, ponder this..." God allowed suffering in Job's life and the purpose of it was not to be cruel or even to be able to reward him. It was to reveal more of Himself to Job. He challenges Job's beliefs and pushes him to examine himself and by chapter 42, Job is confessing what he now knows without a doubt about God. Then God corrects Job's friends. All the trial and suffering brought men to Truth. I am just guessing here but I bet that these men lived out their lives as men of stronger faith. That was more than enough. It was mercy and love combined but the fact that God restored Job and doubled it was inexplicably gracious. God is that way. 

  In my alone-ness, God is working and not only is He working but He is drawing me to Himself. What really do I have that I deserve? Thankfully, nothing because it would be anything but good. My constant mutiny is deserving of punishment and yet, I have many blessings and at the same time I learning more of who God is in Truth. So, as my daughter reminded me one day this past week: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds..."

  So, that's one joy, two joys, three... :)