How to Fail at Blogging

   Blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada

 Sometimes I feel like this blog is like that or maybe something along the line of the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons. I know people, oh yes I do. I know people who have popular sites, pages, social networks. I even know some who specifically teach how to be successful on social media. Obviously, it has not rubbed off. Why I do mention it?

 Well, the other day as I was tinkering with the background and layout of this little piggy's blog, I came across an article on how to make your blog successful. Yes, I should have ignored it and went on blissfully staring at pretty backgrounds but no, I didn't. 

 I am neither a social nor social media butterfly. My official status is social porcupine. I even have a t-shirt to prove it. This apparently is one of the main causes of my blog's failures. How could I have known that my lack of tweeting and face-booking an announcement every time I posted a blog entry was as socially stifling as wearing a multi-patterned track suit with jelly shoes to a dinner party? I guess it would help if I had a facebook...ain't going to happen. So scratch that.

 Surely one can overcome social media failure. What else could be hindering this blog's success? 

 Oh...ow...this next item hurts as much as actually trying to shop at the mall for several hours in the aforementioned jelly shoes. 

 "Be sure that your writing is not boring and dry." If one could reach down into my deepest fears, this would be found as the area that has concerned me for years. But, it hasn't stopped me yet so why worry about it now. I mean the words just keep coming and coming and coming and I'm not bored one bit. Well, there was that batch of dark poetry that I burned, but I swore to never speak of it to anyone soooo moving right along.

 "The tone should not be too formal and you should write like you are in a conversation." Nailed this one! I write just like I am talking to myself like I do everyday. Wait, did I type that out loud???

Any waaaay...

Word to the words!

 "The subject of your blog should be interesting to your readers." Um, doesn't everyone care about my chicken crises and personal failures? Okay, if not that then how about standing firm biblically? Well...maybe I am out of sync with what all the hip kids are digging right now but I can be groovy, baby, so let's just check this box as a 'yes' and I'll add some flava flav to everything I slap on the page from now on.

Next!

 "A blog's popularity is clearly defined by reader comments on how the content has affected them." Ha! Rarely does someone ever comment therefore this does not apply to me, so take that! 
Waaaaait...that's not a good sign is it? Rats.

Just follow me kids and you too can have an unpopular blog! Shucks.

 So, yeh, I guess I should just go, um, do something besides blog now. I have noticed that pretending to teach from the Bible without really using it correctly is very en vogue right now. Or maybe I can write a book. It seems being a poor writer blasts you onto the best seller list so maybe there's hope. Sigh...

  Ha! You thought a little thing like no page views would stop me. NEVER!
Oh yeh baby! Now where did I put that 90s track suit? It's time to celebrate with a little dance I call "Successful Dork."